Relationships are co-evolutionary loops

Author: Henrik Karlsson
Source: https://www.henrikkarlsson.xyz/p/making-a-home-together
#essays #relationships

Summary

In a relationship, you're supposed to evolve together through a co-evolutionary loop as you are molded into the person that you are supposed to become

Note

This is part 3 of Looking for Alice. Part 2 was behind a paywall.

Takeaways

It is rare for people to come into themselves if no one is excited and curious about their core, their potential. We need someone who gives us space to unfold.

There is a corollary for relationships. Some relationships are hard, or even impossible, to change. As an individual, you grow—but your father won’t acknowledge that change or adapt to it, and the relationship gets stuck. Other relationships are fluid and open-ended, they grow to fit you better and better the more time you invest in them, like an old house where you rearrange the walls, doors, and furniture until the light falls just right.

We kept on iterating. Changing our environment and our relationship, learning, and changing things again.

The best scientists aren’t those who are the most intelligent; they are the ones who tweak their theories further than others, in close contact with experimental reality.

In photos, they look like us, yes, but their interiorities! Their interiors only vaguely resemble ours.